meh, that title isnt right. who knows how long i'll stay here.

i hate to always sound so depressed and emo
but writing's the only way i can pass time without thinking of ways to kill myself.
its ridiculous i know.
the whole day today and yesterday. and maybe the day before yesterday
my thoughts have all been about how.

talk to someone? im a picky person. hahah. they say beggars cant be choosers, but i'll pass. the person(s) i want to talk to are never around. so i'll just shut up for the moment.

but really
this is getting tiresome. its been almost 2 weeks. ive been feeling like shit almost everyday.
started with a few issues. got depressed about it for a few days. that eventually led to wanting a short life. which led to thoughts about suicide. obviously i have no guts to do that. doesnt stop me thinking of how to do it though. and thats the most bothersome part. wasting energy thinking about things i know i'll never do.

and tonight im not exactly feeling down. its more like i don't see a reason to live. ive been thinking about it. but i cant get answers.

i don't hate life. life is as beautiful as it is awful (contrary to the stuff i write in dA).
im just tired. tired and unsure of the future, which is looking so bleak right now.

a short life would be a pity, but i don't see why i should hang around.

*

good news.

damn guitarist is out of the hospital. his memory sucks. it was bad to begin with, but after the surgeons tinkered with his brain its almost hopeless now. lol. oh, and he cant play the guitar now. walks funny too. still recuperating, he says. i like to tease him. guess that makes me evil. haha. he says i need a psychiatrist. he'd recommend me his, but that psychiatrist pisses him off. lol. i suppose he'll forget the things i told him over msn soon enough.

im glad he's back.